No, I couldn’t come up with a more clever title. It’s hot. My brain is lagging hours – maybe days – behind my body.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that those of us for whom Facebook is an integral part of life are all guilty of some kind of obnoxious and/or annoying Facebook behavior. That’s totally to be expected. I will be the first person to admit that, especially when I’m bored, I update my status way too often, and usually not with anything close to revelatory. In an attempt to justify my own less-than-ideal habit by pointing out that it could be worse, I’ve come up with the 5 Facebook habits that most irritate me, and why. This is not in any way meant to offend any of my friends (although it would appear that it’s mostly just randoms, mostly in California, who are reading my blog, anyway). Then again, when you consider that most of the people a person is friends with on Facebook aren’t really that person’s good friends…. well, I’ll get to that.
1. The People Who Constantly Post Mobile-Uploaded Pictures Of Themselves
I don’t mind seeing pictures posted on Facebook. I tend to look at most photo albums that come across my newsfeed, regardless of my relationship with the owner. I start to raise my eyebrows when someone is frequently posting pictures of herself (or himself, but really, this is usually the fault of women). When someone posts pictures from a camera phone almost every single damn day, well, we get it. You’re self-obsessed and narcissistic. Maybe that sounds a little bit harsh, but truly and honestly, how else are we to interpret that? How many times do I have to look at a picture of you doing the exact same thing, just wearing different outfits? Sure, sometimes there will be other people in the picture, and then if there is just one or maybe two pictures like that, I find it a little more tolerable. After a while, though, I’m sick of seeing your face all over my newsfeed and I start to think a little less of you each time. I lose absolutely all respect for girls who amp up their cleavage and post pictures that might as well be captioned “I only included my face so it wasn’t TOTALLY obvious that I wanted you to look at my boobs.”
2. People Whose Status Updates Are Running Lists of Daily Activities
I think that, unless you are encouraging a stalker, it’s really not wise to list every single thing you plan to do on Facebook. Sure, we all mention our plans; it’s going to happen. But there’s a difference between saying “I’m going to finish my book and then go for a walk” and “I have a dentist appointment at 9 this morning, followed by lunch with mah gurrrl Jennifer. Working, working, working until 9, and then pArTy!!! at Tom’s xoxoxo :-D” Seriously, though. Stop. One, I’m more interested in a.) funny status updates, b.) interesting status updates, and c.) interesting thoughts posing as status updates than I am in every minute detail of your day. If that’s your thing, that’s fine. Get a Twitter account for that. And also, I should probably note that the language used and the typing style I chose for that example status update is another thing that annoys me, but it just makes status updates of that nature even more annoying.
3. People Who Add EVERYONE As Friends
Since Facebook was kind enough to show us every single time one of our friends adds another friend, it’s been pretty easy to spot the friend-whore. I should say why this really annoys me, though. I really don’t care if someone chooses to befriend everyone. It bothers me when I feel like people have tried to add me just to, essentially, troll my Facebook page. I rarely ever add anyone on Facebook because when I do, it’s someone that I’m genuinely interested in keeping up with. I don’t feel the need to add people from high school with whom I haven’t spoken in ages. I’m talking elementary school ages, if ever. It’s not that I have anything personally against those people, I just can’t figure out why they want to be my friend (especially if they weren’t nice to me in high school. I’ve flat-out refused friendship requests from total douchebags). A friend once explained this to me by saying “They remember the past differently than you and I do. They just remember being friends with everyone. They don’t remember when they were mean to people and they don’t remember alienating lots of people.” I’ve got roughly 225 Facebook friends. Of them, I’d say that there are about 10-15, if that, who I consider to be close friends. There are a number of them (maybe 25) that I enjoy talking to but with whom I am not that close. The rest…. well, they don’t talk to me and I don’t talk to them, so I’m still trying to figure that one out. Another friend of mine has a rule that if she wouldn’t have lunch with someone, she won’t accept that person’s friendship request. I might have to adopt that rule, as well.
4. People Who Only Update With Song Lyrics
I’ll admit that sometimes you find a lyric that expresses everything you want to say or everything you’re feeling at the moment. I don’t mind the occasional lyric update. But when someone updates only in song lyrics all the time, and often multiple times a day, that says to me that said person lacks the ability to think for him or herself. Sometimes it makes me aware of the fact that now I believe that this person has horrible taste in music. Okay, obviously that last part is totally based on personal opinion, but I hate a lot of music that seems to be all the rage for over-emotional, weepy, angst-ridden girls. I don’t necessarily think less of someone whose taste in music I abhor, I just think “Ugh. Why?” and make a note to never listen to music with that person.
5. People With Terrible Grammar
So, being an English teacher, I cringe when I see terrible grammar on Facebook. I don’t expect Standard English, but I’ve actually hidden people because I can’t stand to read their status updates. I’m afraid I’ll start making arrogant comments (instead, I’m just saving my arrogant judgment for this blog post). Everyone misspells things, messes up commas, or makes some kind of other minor grammar faux pas sometimes, but those minor details don’t bother me. I’m talking about grammar mistakes that don’t even make sense when used in a sentence. This is the example I used when trying to pass a subtle hint in my own status update: You would never say something like “It’s Chester and I’s job to bury the hookers” because you’re using – or should be using – the possessive. You would never say “It’s I’s job to bury the hookers” because you would understand that it sounds, well, stupid. Why is it any different when you add someone else to share the responsibility of burying those skanks? The correct way to say it is “It’s Chester’s and my job to bury the hookers.” That’s certainly not the only example I could give, but it’s the one that drives me the most insane, and at the sake of length, I need to wrap it up.
Am I being a huge asshole about all of this? Probably. I’m being critical and judgmental and I’ll likely offend someone. But you would be an absolute liar if you tried to tell me that you’ve never done the same thing (or at least something similar). I also addressed my own annoying habits and acknowledged the fact that I might be being a little silly about all this. I never claimed to be perfect or innocent. Plus, I truly believe that in this day and age, the way people choose to represent themselves on mediums such as Facebook speaks volumes about who they really are. One final remark: you will note that I didn’t mention anything about the person who does nothing on Facebook but play games and make out with goats or whatever it is. It’s been proven that Facebook apps can be really detrimental to your computer’s health, so I don’t mess around with any of that. They can’t bother me because I “hide” every single app as it comes across my newsfeed. Problem solved.